Something strange seems to be happening in our generation.
Divorce rate is the highest it’s ever been at 40 to 50%, the rate of divorce of subsequent marriages is even higher. It seems the importance placed on family and maintaining family ties is disintegrating.
The culture is shifting focus towards individualism and the media seems biased in broadcasting individuals with more selfish pursuits.
This is not the way of Islam. A healthy functioning society, and on a micro level, a person’s happiness is created from a sense of belonging and closeness to one another. And the truth is the family unit is the basic element from which it all begins.
The family offers security, tranquility, and support. It creates social order and gives life purpose and meaning which is why Islam is adamant on protecting the family from externalities that wish to disrupt it.
AN UPDATE: I had one email sent in saying there’s nothing wrong with getting a divorce and a higher divorce rate is a product of those looking to get out of unhappy / toxic relationships. You can always find exception to the rules, the angle of this article is not about the minority of cases where divorce would be encouraged. Rather, I was thinking from a perspective of a culture where we are seeking convenience and immediate pleasure. One where we don’t really try our best to make things work because we have a deep belief we can go out and find better elsewhere. This is why subsequent divorce rates are higher because once you break the barrier of knowing you don’t have to be ‘trapped’ in a marriage you can just get going when it starts to get hairy.
Now, the best place to turn and find answers to many problems we encounter is in the Qur’an and the Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad (saws). We will learn how every role of the family is important – from parents to children to spouses and kin.
Hadith on Family in Islam
It has been narrated on the authority of Ibn ‘Umar that the Prophet (May be upon him) said:
The father is the shepherd over his family, he is responsible to them, he must provide, protect, and care for them to the best of his abilities. The mother is like the shepherd over the house, it is her role to guard the house and her children. She is responsible for nurturing a happy environment where little ones can grow and learn and play.
Abu Huraira (May Allah be pleased with him) reported Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) as saying: When a man dies, his acts come to an end, but three, recurring charity, or knowledge (by which people) benefit, or a pious son, who prays for him (for the deceased). Sahih Muslim Book 13, Hadith 4005
It is the responsibility of the parents to teach and educate the message of Islam to children at an early age otherwise they will grow up heedless. They will not know any better and you cannot expect them in their older age to pray for you, look after you, and spread Islam to their kids. On the other hand, if you raise your kids with the right values you can expect eternal sadaqah jariyah. Ultimately, you will reap what you sow, if you sow well you will reap well.
Abu Huraira reported that a person said: Allah’s Messenger, who amongst the people is most deserving of my good treatment? He said: Your mother, again your mother, again your mother, then your father, then your nearest relatives according to the order (of nearness). Sahih Muslim Book 32, Hadith 6181
It was narrated from Ibn ‘Abbas that: the Prophet said: “The best of you is the one who is best to his wife, and I am the best of you to my wives.” Ibn Majah Book 9, Hadith 1977
Abu Mas’ud Al-Ansari narrated that the Messenger of Allah said: “A man’s spending on his family is charity.” (Jami At Tirmidhi Book 1, Hadith 1965)
It was narrated that ‘Aishah said: “The Prophet raced with me and I beat him.” Grade: Sahih (Darussalam) English reference: Vol. 3, Book 9, Hadith 1979
This hadith shows what a healthy relationship looks like, for men we need to sometimes let our wives win. As a wife, sometimes let your husband win. This hadith teaches us to encourage each other, support each other, lift each other up.
It was narrated from ‘Abdullah bin ‘Amr that: the Messenger of Allah said: “The best of you are those who are best to their womenfolk.” Grade : Sahih (Darussalam) (English reference : Vol. 3, Book 9, Hadith 1978)
Quran Quotes About Family
The Quran advises us on the values and character we should strive towards. If we truly believe in these values our natural behavior and actions will unconsciously reflect it. These Quranic verses mentions husband, wives, respect towards parents, and the importance of home.
Quran Quotes For Couples:
“…They (your wives, O men) are a garment for you and you (men) are a garment for them…” (Quran 2:187)
Those who spend [charity] in prosperity and in adversity, who repress anger, and who forgive men; verily, God loves the good doers. (3:134)
It is He who created you from one soul and created from it its mate that he might dwell in security with her. And when he covers her, she carries a light burden and continues therein. And when it becomes heavy, they both invoke Allah, their Lord, “If You should give us a good [child], we will surely be among the grateful.” (7:189)
And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought. (30:21)
O mankind! Be dutiful to your Lord, Who created you from a single person (Adam), and from him (Adam) He created his wife [Hawwa (Eve)], and from them both He created many men and women and fear Allah through Whom you demand your mutual (rights), and (do not cut the relations of) the wombs (kinship). Surely, Allah is Ever an All-Watcher over you. (Muhsin Khan Translation 4:1)
And when one of them is informed of [the birth of] a female, his face becomes dark, and he suppresses grief. He hides himself from the people because of the ill of which he has been informed. Should he keep it in humiliation or bury it in the ground? Unquestionably, evil is what they decide. For those who do not believe in the Hereafter is the description of evil; and for Allah is the highest attribute. And He is Exalted in Might, the Wise. (Surah An-Nahl 58-60)
In Prophet Muhammad last sermon, he said “O People, it is true that you have certain rights with regard to your women, but they also have right over you. If they abide by your right then to them belongs the right to be fed and clothed in kindness. Do treat your women well and be kind to them for they are your partners and committed helpers.”
And those who say, “Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.” Those will be awarded the Chamber for what they patiently endured, and they will be received therein with greetings and [words of] peace. (25:74-75)
Be Good To Parents, Relatives and To Your Children:
And We have enjoined upon man, to his parents, good treatment. His mother carried him with hardship and gave birth to him with hardship, and his gestation and weaning [period] is thirty months. [He grows] until, when he reaches maturity and reaches [the age of] forty years, he says, “My Lord, enable me to be grateful for Your favor which You have bestowed upon me and upon my parents and to work righteousness of which You will approve and make righteous for me my offspring. Indeed, I have repented to You, and indeed, I am of the Muslims.” (46:15)
And those who believed and whose descendants followed them in faith – We will join with them their descendants, and We will not deprive them of anything of their deeds. Every person, for what he earned, is retained. And We will provide them with fruit and meat from whatever they desire. (52:21-22)
Indeed, Allah orders justice and good conduct and giving to relatives and forbids immorality and bad conduct and oppression. He admonishes you that perhaps you will be reminded. (16:90)
And Allah has made for you from your homes a place of rest and made for you from the hides of the animals tents which you find light on your day of travel and your day of encampment; and from their wool, fur and hair is furnishing and enjoyment for a time. (16:80)
And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], “uff,” and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word. And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, “My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small.” (17:23)
And [recall] when We took the covenant from the Children of Israel, [enjoining upon them], “Do not worship except Allah ; and to parents do good and to relatives, orphans, and the needy. And speak to people good [words] and establish prayer and give zakah.” Then you turned away, except a few of you, and you were refusing. (2:83)
Worship Allah and associate nothing with Him, and to parents do good, and to relatives, orphans, the needy, the near neighbor, the neighbor farther away, the companion at your side, the traveler, and those whom your right hands possess. Indeed, Allah does not like those who are self-deluding and boastful. (4:36)
Guard Your Home:
And abide in your houses and do not display yourselves as [was] the display of the former times of ignorance. And establish prayer and give zakah and obey Allah and His Messenger. Allah intends only to remove from you the impurity [of sin], O people of the [Prophet’s] household, and to purify you with [extensive] purification. (33:33)
Maintaining Family Ties
Family ties mean that no matter how much you might want to run from your family, you can’t. Here’s some quotes about the importance of maintaining family ties and the rewards of doing so.
The person who perfectly maintains the ties of kinship is not the one who does it because he gets recompensed by his relatives (for being kind and good to them), but the one who truly maintains the bonds of kinship is the one who persists in doing so even though the latter has severed the ties of kinship with him. [Al-Bukhari].
Strength comes in numbers. Sayings like this can become trite, but that doesn’t make them less true. How can we have a strong united Ummah when no one makes the effort to maintain ties with family. Yes, life does get busy but that doesn’t excuse checking in from time to time just to see how somebody is doing. I am guilty of this myself, but just being thoughtful to reach out can go a long way. Take the initiative and don’t expect anything in return. Take pride in being the one who makes the effort.
Jubair bin Mut’am (RAA) narrated that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: “The one who severs the ties of kinship will not enter Paradise.” Agreed upon. Bulugh al-Maram English reference : Book 16, Hadith 1498
So would you perhaps, if you turned away, cause corruption on earth and sever your [ties of] relationship? (47:22)
Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings upon him) said, “The bond of relationship is suspending from the Throne, and says: ‘He who keeps good relations with me, Allah will keep connection with him, but whosoever severs relations with me, Allah will sever connection with him.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
Importance of Family in Islam
Do not force the religion on your family. show them the beauty of the religion through your own practice. – Nouman Ali khan
“Marry someone who is deeply interested in the way of God because that is who your children will follow.” Mufti Ismail Menk
“‘Marriage’ is not the solution to all your problems. Ask Allaah that you’ll at least have someone to stand by your side to help you through your problems.” [Shaykh Abdul Bary Yahya]
“Being so kind, polite and cheerful towards the women of the world holds no value when we cannot be such to our own wives, sisters, and mothers.” Mufti Ismail Menk
Question for you, what was your favorite quote, hadith or ayah about the family? Do you have one that was not included here? Please comment it below and we will add it to the post.